| The King Of Wishful Thinking.. |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|05:06 am] |
| [ | music |
| | King of Wishful Thinking-New Found Glory | ] |
Wow....my first post in a year. I'm surprised i remember all my login shit lol. I guess it was a lack of anything to type that keep me away from this. But I guess I have alot to write about lately. Well let's see, I have Kat now. And I've never been happier. She makes me happy, not just with me, but her, and everything. I've regained contact with people I stopped talking to. I'm not really much of mallrat anymore (that's right bitches, got a life!). School is going well. My job still sucks though lol. I have no gripes about life lately. And you know what? I think I will type in this alot more now. I missed LJ. Honestly, I did. |
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| Bulls Make Money, Bears Make Money, Pigs Get Slaughtered! |
[Sep. 18th, 2007|07:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | teeth the size of piano keys-chiodos | ] |
ughhh im so fucking pissed!!!! WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO TO ANYONE TO DESERVE THE SHIT THAT HAPPENS?! ARE YOU TWO TRYING TO PROVE SOMETHING?? ARE YOU THAT FUCKING JEALOUS OF ME AND MINE THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE WHAT I GOT???!!! I TELL YOU WHAT. I FUCKING DARE YOU TO SET FOOT ANYWHERE NEAR ME OR MINE. I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU, BUT TURNS OUT I WAS WRONG. YOU TWO FUCKING DESERVE EACH OTHER YOU KNOW. YOU TWO ARE SO FUCKING MISERABLE THAT YOUD BOTH SUCK THE SAME DICK TO HAVE SUMTHING TO TALK ABOUT. YOU FUCKING PUSSIES ARE GONNA GET WHATS YOURS, I SWEAR. |
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| Torn Between Love and Pain....... |
[Jul. 30th, 2007|05:43 pm] |
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I blame for myself for being so afraid of women. Everytime I try to get close to one, it ends up kicking me in the ass. Like now, I finally have the one I want in my grasp, but because of past failures and heartaches, I'm so afraid to trust anything with a vagina. While I won't name anyone, every girl I ever fell for or in love with has hurt me. And at this point in my life, I should be moving on, and believe me I want to, but I'm scared of it happening again. |
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| Closer to The Gates of Hell Then I Thought...... |
[Jul. 30th, 2007|05:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Time of Your Life-Green Day | ] |
It's nice to finally know who my friends are. I've never asked anything for any of you except to be there for me like I am for you. But no, the one i time I really need you all, you turn your back on me. Now that I think about it, none of you (with the exception of a few) have ever really been there for me. Be it when I had my surgery and was confined to my living room couch for two weeks, my mom was in the hospital and I was shaking like a fiend praying that my mom didnt die, I didn't see any of you, again, excepting a few. When me and Natalie broke up, u guys were only there to talk about how bad our relationship was. None of you were there for the good times, and there were a bunch of those. Then, I fucking get scared shitless cuz I lose my brother in an underground tunnel, cuz everyone wants to be a chicken shit, and u all just sit there. So this is my official fuck you all entry. Have a nice life you assholes. |
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| I Got It Where I Want It Now...... |
[May. 24th, 2007|01:43 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Paramore-Brighter | ] |
You know, normally, I don't mind being single. But latley, its becoming troublesome to me. Idk, I guess I just don't like being lonely. I have been talking to one girl, her name's Naisha. She's cool and everything, but she's Chuck's ex. Lately, howver, I think Chuck's been kinda pissed at me for talking to her. So I really don't wanna interest in her, if she's gonna cost me one of my best friends. So on to the next one. Yea, I never wanted to admit it before now, but I do believe I have a thing for Hannah. Idk, I mean she's just so amazing and beautiful, and we have so much in common, and we never argue or fight, and she makes me laugh. I would have spoken up earlier, but she was hooked on Trevor, who in turn, screwed her over. I wanna tell her, but, I'm afraid of how she'll responds. Plus, I really hate rejection. At this point, I'll take anyone, but I really wish it could be Hannah. I really wish I could be the lucky guy taking her to prom, but once again, my job interferes. Normally, I wouldn't care. I would risk it, for her. But I really need to keep the job for my mom's sake. Especially because she's been sick lately. I invited the gang to come over sunday, and I really hope she does come. Maybe then, I'll tell her how I really feel. I'll finally say "Hannah. I love you. I think you're amazing. I really wish you could be mine. Even if you said no, I would just want you to know. If you gave me a chance, I could show you how happy you could truly be. I wish I could promise you that you would have nothing to worry about, but all I can tell you is that I'll try my fucking hardest for you." One day......... |
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| She's Got A Boyd Like An Hourglass and Ticking Like A Clock |
[May. 14th, 2007|08:34 pm] |
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Just like that..... I feel like my dream is finally coming true. After posting a song on myspace that has become popular, I'm finally getting a guitar and friday, the writing process begins!! I'm just glad that Nicolle is just as excited as I am about getting started. Hopefully, it all goes well. It's so close now, I can touch it. I just hope to never lose my grip. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2007|07:53 pm] |
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Last night, I hung out with Nicolle at Guitar Center. Then, it became me Nicolle and Feli. Then, me, Nicolle, Feli, and Shorty hung out. lol. Anyways, I really enjoyed last night. I would like more weekends like that. No mall, no drama, no nothing. Just four friends, kicking back, jamming out, and playing hackeysack. I love to keep shit simple, and simple was the best way to describe last night. We went to the park, and just sat there for hours, talking about Bamboozle OMFGCANTWAIT!! Man, I love those guys. |
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| I'm A Thousand Miles Away, But Girl Tonight You Look So Pretty |
[Apr. 22nd, 2007|02:46 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Hey There Delilah-Plain White T's | ] |
Last night, I saw her cry. I had never seen it before. I had always known her as a strong person, given the shit that she's been through. At first I didn't know what to do, so I did the only thing I could, I grabbed and hugged her like I hadnt hugged anyone. She fell right into my open arms, and I swore I could have cried myself. We had never held each other so tightly. I was so happy, I wish I could have just held her like that all night. After we let each other go, we just sat there and we talked, and talked. Then we did the really cheesy thing and sang to each other. I know its cliche, but shit like that makes me happy. I saw her smile, and I wanted to cry myself. Something about it was just so beautiful, so mezmerizing. I missed the days that we used to spend together doing nothing at all. But just her presence was enough for me. How I long to have have those days again. Everytime I'm with her, all my problems seem so small. I have nothing to fear. She's my hero, wether or not she accepts the title. How I wish we could just hold each other always like we did last night. You're the most wonderful person ever.
Nicolle,
I love you in more ways then you can ever know. You are my hero. No matter where I go, what I do, you'll be there with me. I swear it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2007|08:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home of course | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Littlest Things-Lily Allen | ] |
I hate seeing people in love. Watching people kiss bothers me as well. I'm glad that all my friends have finally found someone for them, but at the same time I'm like "where am I going wrong?" Is it because I'm afraid to tell her how I feel becuz I hate rejection? Or maybe I don't want her to be weirded out? Or is it becuase I can't trust anything with a vagina? Rosie hurt me, and I never got over it. Even now, it's like every song I hear reminds me of her. Or maybe I hurt her, I don't know, but either way, the last 2 years havent been easy for me cuz she still has my heart and always will. But I've learned to move on and the one I want, I feel will also be mine. I mean, I wanna make her as happy as she makes me, and I just wish she gave me the chance to show how much I really love her. I just wish she could see that. It's getting to the point where I just wanna walk to her house even in the rain and tell her. I don't care if I get sick. For her it's worth it. I love you. I just wish I had it in me to really show you how much. |
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| TASTE OF CHAOS.......... |
[Mar. 25th, 2007|04:16 am] |
WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. NO LIE
  </a>
The Greates BDAY PRESENT EVER!!
 |
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| A Boy Brushed Red Living In Black and White |
[Mar. 20th, 2007|07:42 pm] |
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Well, here it is. 8 days shy of my bday, and my mood hasnt improved since last saturday. I was able to escape the feeling sunday whil hanging with Jatnna and everyone else, but its back. Problem is, I have no idea why I feel this way. I just I had someone to confide in, who knows how I feel. I want someone to tell me it's worth it. That I'm not alone. I'm not being emo, don't get me wrong. It's been along while since I've been upset about anything. I just wish I could see what it was thats hurting me so much. I know I have ppl, but why do I feel so alone? What am I doing wrong? Can I fix it? Someone tell me I'm OK. That I have a reason to be alive. That I'm not alone. That it's all in my head. But someone mean it. Mean it when u say u love me. I sure as hell mean it when I say that's all I need. |
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| Hannah, What Would we do without you |
[Mar. 20th, 2007|07:41 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Lazy Eye-Silversun Pickups | ] |
Twistedemokid328: HANNAH!
HanaBanana413: haha jordan!
Twistedemokid328: dammit
Twistedemokid328: u werent supposed to know it was me
HanaBanana413: welli saw ur little WeeWorld dude and i knew hahaha
Twistedemokid328: oh fuck
HanaBanana413: hahaha im good
Twistedemokid328: yea rite
Twistedemokid328: if u were the only white girl i knew id know ur weemee was u too
HanaBanana413: hahahahahaha
HanaBanana413: hahaha youre bulletin! lmao
Twistedemokid328: yea i try
Twistedemokid328: so whats up banana?
HanaBanana413: nothing much listening to the used's new song
Twistedemokid328: u too huh?
HanaBanana413: haha yeap i saw nicolle's bulletin and iw as like ooOoo
Twistedemokid328: lolnice
Twistedemokid328: im listening to TMNT
Twistedemokid328: lmao
HanaBanana413: who?
Twistedemokid328: the Ninja Turtles soundtrack
Twistedemokid328: lol
HanaBanana413: ohhh
HanaBanana413: haha
HanaBanana413: yeah i got it like 5 secs later
Twistedemokid328: it took my sister like 5 mins the other day
Twistedemokid328: she thought i meant too many negrotoes or sumthing like that
HanaBanana413: hahahhahahaha
Twistedemokid328: oh yea
Twistedemokid328: so
Twistedemokid328: whats the plan for saturday?
Twistedemokid328: me and nicolle are just dying to know
Twistedemokid328: lol
HanaBanana413: its all good cuz i am too
HanaBanana413: haha
HanaBanana413: like do u think you would be able to get to the mall so i could pick you up there?
HanaBanana413: cuz i have no idea where you live and i dont want to get lost in paterson again haha
Twistedemokid328: again
Twistedemokid328: ??
Twistedemokid328: lol
HanaBanana413: yeahhh ahhaha
Twistedemokid328: i have no problem getting to the mall
Twistedemokid328: though im not far from Felicia
Twistedemokid328: but ill go to the mall
HanaBanana413: u live like near cvs kinda?
Twistedemokid328: yea
HanaBanana413: well nicolle knows where you live right?
Twistedemokid328: she should
Twistedemokid328: once u go to CVS
Twistedemokid328: jus keep going straight
Twistedemokid328: im actually the very beginning of Paterson
HanaBanana413: she knows how to get theirr from union
Twistedemokid328: yea
Twistedemokid328: i live on union
HanaBanana413: okay so then ill just pick you up then haha
Twistedemokid328: lol
Twistedemokid328: but if not
Twistedemokid328: ill meet u at the mall
HanaBanana413: no its all good i thought u lived like in scary paterson hahaha
Twistedemokid328: no
Twistedemokid328: i dont
Twistedemokid328: lmao
Twistedemokid328: i live in
Twistedemokid328: walk across the street and ur in Totowa Paterson
HanaBanana413: haha got it!
Twistedemokid328: yea
Twistedemokid328: i guess u never heard my story about how i just barely lived too far to go to PV
Twistedemokid328: lol
HanaBanana413: lol nope
Twistedemokid328: brb
Twistedemokid328: ok
Twistedemokid328: playing Mariokart with my mom
Twistedemokid328: lol
HanaBanana413: lol
Twistedemokid328: this song is pretty song
Twistedemokid328: *sexy
HanaBanana413: hahahaha
HanaBanana413: what song?
Twistedemokid328: this new Used song
HanaBanana413: oh yeahh
Twistedemokid328: man
Twistedemokid328: ijust woke up
Twistedemokid328: but im sleepy
Twistedemokid328: idk why
HanaBanana413: too much sleep
Twistedemokid328: nah i dont think so
Twistedemokid328: cuz i didnt go to sleep till like 11
HanaBanana413: am?
Twistedemokid328: yea
Twistedemokid328: cuz i work at night
HanaBanana413: oh yeah thats right
Twistedemokid328: i got home at like 7
Twistedemokid328: and i was up
HanaBanana413: ohhhhhhh
Twistedemokid328: i was talking to my mom about sumthing
Twistedemokid328: listening to music
Twistedemokid328: and i talked to Lisa for like 30 minutes
Twistedemokid328: and then i got pissed
Twistedemokid328: thats why i fell asleep
Twistedemokid328: lmao
HanaBanana413: lolol\
Twistedemokid328: then i woke up and smoked
HanaBanana413: lololol
Twistedemokid328: that may be why im sleepy
HanaBanana413: most likely
Twistedemokid328: yo
Twistedemokid328: the new Linkin Park song is weird
HanaBanana413: didnt listen to it
HanaBanana413: yet
Twistedemokid328: dont worry
Twistedemokid328: ur not missing much
Twistedemokid328: i dont think i like it
HanaBanana413: haha
Twistedemokid328: so
HanaBanana413: it might grow on u like fob's song did
Twistedemokid328: how was school
Twistedemokid328: no that was different
Twistedemokid328: i liked that right away
HanaBanana413: sooo boring.... and detention was worse but it went by fast so its all good
HanaBanana413: yeah but i didnt and the fob grew on me
Twistedemokid328: whatd u get detention for
HanaBanana413: being absent too much
Twistedemokid328: thats........
Twistedemokid328: stupid
HanaBanana413: i know!
Twistedemokid328: being absent too much?
Twistedemokid328: in my school
Twistedemokid328: thats just got us failed
Twistedemokid328: or kicked out
HanaBanana413: oh damn
HanaBanana413: i like the way our school does it better
Twistedemokid328: i never even got detention for cutting
Twistedemokid328: lol
HanaBanana413: lol
HanaBanana413: my 8th period teacher doesnt care.. its a study so me and my friend cut alllll the time
Twistedemokid328: oh well yea
Twistedemokid328: they didnt care if u cut study
Twistedemokid328: but i always cut everything
HanaBanana413: haha
Twistedemokid328: so most of my senior year was spent in in school suspension
HanaBanana413: lol
Twistedemokid328: i am the king of ISS
HanaBanana413: hahaha
Twistedemokid328: omg
Twistedemokid328: can i come to ur graduation
Twistedemokid328: ill wear like a foam finger
Twistedemokid328: and dance the hula
HanaBanana413: hahah it depends if i can get more tickets
Twistedemokid328: it will be kinda hot that day
Twistedemokid328: oh shit
Twistedemokid328: my bdays next week!
HanaBanana413: oh damn!
Twistedemokid328: yea
Twistedemokid328: and i have no idea what im doing!
HanaBanana413: 19?
Twistedemokid328: i just remembered cuz its on my sisters page
Twistedemokid328: yes
HanaBanana413: lol niiiice
Twistedemokid328: yea
Twistedemokid328: im old!
Twistedemokid328: pretty soon
Twistedemokid328: ill have to leave the mall
HanaBanana413: psh im gonna be 19 in oct
Twistedemokid328: yea
Twistedemokid328: but youve got time
HanaBanana413: a coule of months
Twistedemokid328: yea
Twistedemokid328: thats better than 7 days
Twistedemokid328: lol
Twistedemokid328: 8 rather
HanaBanana413: lol but i wanna be 19
HanaBanana413: actually i dont cuz then my mom wont buy me cigs anymore
Twistedemokid328: so u can buy cigs?
HanaBanana413: ill have to pay for the mhahaha
Twistedemokid328: get out my head!
HanaBanana413: hahaha
Twistedemokid328: see it sux for me
Twistedemokid328: cuz ive been cigs since i was 17
Twistedemokid328: and even after the law thingy changed or whatever
Twistedemokid328: i could buy them anyway
HanaBanana413: lol\
Twistedemokid328: so i have nothing to look forward to
Twistedemokid328: but being 19
Twistedemokid328: lol |
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| I'm A Lost Realist |
[Mar. 20th, 2007|07:39 pm] |
My independence is calling my name
A doubtful voice divides my faith
My independence only hesitates
An unsure choice I can't embrace
You're gonna have to carve me,
Carve me from stone
Right to the bone or
I'll end up alone
Playing the role
Of someone in control
Why do I rush to slow down
Why do I rush to slow down everything
Why do I rush to slow down
Why do I rush to slow down everything
Will the dice ever roll
When will I ever know
Will the plot ever twist
Or will I still resist
I've been playing the part of a lost realist
My indepednce is turning the page
Tomorrow comes we start to fade
My independence only complicates
It's not enough to meet half way
You'll have to carve me
Carve me from stone
Right to the bone
Or I'll end up alone
Playing the role
Of someone in control
Why do I rush to slow down
Why do I rush to slow down everything
Why do I rush to slow down
Why do I rush to slow down everything
Will the dice ever roll
When will I ever know
Will the plot ever twist
Or will I still resist
I've been playing the part of a lost realist
I only keep what I give away
I only keep what I give away
Why do I rush to slow down
Why do I rush to slow down everything
Why do I rush to slow down
Why do I rush to slow down
Everything
Will the dice ever roll
When will I ever know
Will the plot ever twist
Or will I still resist
I've been playing the part of a lost realist
Why do I rush to slow down
Why do I rush to slow down everything
Why do I rush to slow down |
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| ONE............... |
[Mar. 14th, 2007|07:36 am] |
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She made it clear that we were just friends. Yet, why do I still dream of us being together? Why is she all I can think about? Why can't we be together? She should be mine, but I guess thats my fault for not seizing the opportunity when I had it in the first place. She should be in my arms, and not having to run to other ppl when she feels alone. I should be the one she comes to, so I can comfort her. Forever. Idk how long forever is, but I'll wait till then. |
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| You and I Should Get Jerseys Cuz We're On The Same Team |
[Mar. 11th, 2007|12:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Must Have Done Something Right-Relient K | ] |
So, the cold weather is done and over with. Awesome. Umm, friday was Ki's bday!!! she's 22 now!!! w00t!! Missed out on a trip to NY, due to pain. So I slept. All day. lol. Today is Melissa's bday!!! So I'm probably gonna head over there. I've been playing Sonic and the Secret Rings, which is still an amazing game. Still want a DS though. Umm, I've finally decided that I'm just gonna go to Montclair and save myself the drama ya know?? Also, 300 is the sex!!! w00t!! Next on my list is TMNT!!! Mad ppl going for though. Hopefully, Kim, Jatnna, and Adrienne can go. Garnell's going which is cool. Then Taste of Chaos is in two weeks!! OMFGICANTWAIT!!!! Anways, I'm rambling again. Pce out |
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| I DONT WANNA KILL YOU, BUT I WILL CUZ I DONT LIKE YOU MUCH ANYWAY. |
[Mar. 7th, 2007|05:52 am] |
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I know my last few lj entries have been rather emo, but I'm bouncing back, I swear. Anyways, we're in our last week of cold weather. Yay. Umm, work has been going really well. The surgery was at least a success, and the Nintendo Wii is love. I've been playing Sonic and the Secret Rings to get over my disappointment with Zelda. Yes. Next on my list is som weird game Ive probably never heard of. Or buying a DS Lite. My other one broke. My PSP went dead, so I'm getting a new DS. Yea thats it |
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| AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!1 |
[Mar. 7th, 2007|05:50 am] |
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I've never been in so much pain. Literally. I can barely walk for more than 5 minutes, I have to sleep on my stomach. I can't get thru a night of work without crying and it even hurts to sit. Surgery fucking sux. They say I'll be better by next week, but I'm not feeling it, like at all. Not with this. |
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| It's Nice To Know Who My Real Friends Are........ |
[Mar. 5th, 2007|03:48 am] |
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I told myself my friends would always be loyal to me. But they're not. Turns out, most of them couldn't wait for me to drop my guard so they can swoop down like the ravenous vultures they are. And my real friends were the ones who tried to warn me. And I turned them away. Hurt them, stopped talking to them, lied to them, forgot them altogether. And as soon my guard dropped, I lost everything. Now here I am, confused about who my friends are and about who to love and care for, cuz everyone seems the same to me now. Except for a few. For years, I didn't have friends. I wasn't social. And now I'm starting to remember why. U never had my back. U only had a knife to it. U didnt have my side, u were just waiting me to fall on it. U werent loyal. U were phony. And I fell into it cuz I though u were the ones who were right. But fuck u all. I now know who my friends are, and come hell or high water, they'll always be my friends. Blood In Blood Out, but of course, you fuckheads wouldn't know anything about that. You're all waiting for each other to fall so u can move on to the next. I hope you're all satisfied with ur loss. Cuz believe me, I don;t need any of you. The ppl who do have my back however, those are the ones. My FRIENDS!! |
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| This Is For You.......... |
[Mar. 5th, 2007|03:47 am] |
I hope you see this so you can know how I really feel about you. So this is "our" new song
Taking on seven years
the holy ghost had left alone
Test my arms, kick like crazy
I've been trying way too long
only push the way off to fight you
Now I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not sure
Getting off my chest
the story ends
I would find a way without...
Tell him his eyes see too clear
I would find a way without you
Tell him his eyes see too clear
That mistake was gold
I know that without you
is something that I could never do
That was why staple the eyes and
seven dates for me to sell machines
and tear on
Seven years you assured me
that I'd be fine if I complied
only push the way off to fight you
Now I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not sure
Getting off my chest
the story ends
I would find a way without...
Tell him his eyes see too clear
I would find a way without you
Tell him his eyes see too clear
That mistake was gold
I know that without you
is something that I could never do
That was why staple the eyes and
seven dates for me to sell machines
and tear on
Don't treat me, I'm to blame (Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry)
Don't treat me like I ever accused you |
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| Sometimes I Wish........... |
[Feb. 26th, 2007|08:35 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Littlest Things-Lily Allen | ] |
That you and I can run away somewhere. Where we can be away from all the bullshit and drama in our lives. We can finally be happy and lead the lives we always wanted to. It can just be you and I, spending every day together. Then, I come back to reality. This can never be. Why? Because we are different sides of the spectrum. You're so perfect, and I'm horribly flawed. I could say I'm only human, but humans can be perfect. You're so beautiful, and I don't even like looking into mirrors, cuz I'm not happy with the person I see. The bullshit and drama will always follow us, which is why we can never be together. I sit and I wait, hoping one day my wish could come true. My dream can be realized, Till then, I'll sit back and think about what I wish could be. |
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